La Perla, meaning the pearl, is symbolic for the pearl within. I was drawn to this place that looked dark and sketchy, as if it offered me freedom. The truth is, it did. La Perla is symbolic to the place within me which is deepest and darkest. The place which I ignore at all costs and attempt to conceal by building beautiful memories in hopes of overpowering the past, all the while avoiding the very thing that causes the corruption to spread to the other parts of my soul. My visit that day was about making peace within myself. It was about facing my fears. Facing my defeats, my anger, my failure, my hate, my love, my peace, my beauty...my life as it has been. La Perla within is all that goes without the ability to express. Its the pain, grief and sadness that I've experienced in so much of my life...and the joy, hope and happiness I look forward to. Its my inability to connect. Its the ugly within me. Its the abuse I've received and continue to self-inflict. Its the rejection. Its hardship and betrayal. Its pleasure and excitement. Its infinite power and wisdom. Its all that others reject but which is and has been my primary existence. I don't allow myself to go to that place because that place is unknown. Its dangerous. Its mysterious. Its unpredictable. Its messy. Its chaos. Its also the center of all that is me. Its the base of my being. Its the good and bad together. Its all that I want to give up and all that I want to be wrapped up within me. How could I face such a place? How could I survive? How could I live in a place like that? Alone in the ghetto of my heart. But I see beauty and art within the walls. I feel comfort and healing in the waves along the shoreline. I feel truth, purity and innocence in the children playing ball in the streets. I see vibrant colors and creativity. Could a place so disgusting truly be such a pearl? Could I face the fear of all that I find down there along the way? How can I protect myself when I'm exposed and vulnerable like that?
The developing of a pearl within an oyster is an interesting process. Sand gets into the inside of the oyster and festers somehow eventually becoming the pearl that we find. But what of its beginning? A mere grain of sand at the core. Can good come from filth? Could a place so dark and loathsome become the root of authenticity and magnificence?
I descended down step by step within myself, past the pure and lovely...past the safety...then the questionable and dirty...past the joy and fun...into the empty ally way of my heart...down some more broken steps to the base of the depths of my soul...the unclean and unsafe...yet quiet and healing...the rocks that lay to discourage anyone, including me from going within the deep ocean on the other side. I was drawn to this area. All I wanted was to be down there. To be by the water. To feel safe at the water's edge. With Satan's angels waiting on either end for me, I was only able to explore for a few minutes. But this physical manifestation is but a symbol of my soul within.
As I ascended above La Perla once again I was overcome by emotions...all of them at that very moment. I tapped into a place which was ready to be cleaned, rebuilt and healed. The Savior came in to rebuild La Perla...and He took all that was...and He healed it...and in its place He left me white sandy beaches surrounded on one side by green trees and on the other with clear, clean, warm, blue water clear enough to see the details on your toes...with the bright, warm sun (Son) beaming overhead in the clear, blue sky.
Remember. Never forget. Let go. Move on. You are healed. La Perla of my soul is what the Lord left within me after the festering of the sand for as long as I could take it...the light and beauty within.
